A veteran of something or other, Deek is now pretty much a hollow shell. His heroic levels of dental decay have enabled the perfect oral chamber within which the guttural, often incoherent, utterances that comprise Bastard’s lyrics can congeal. A dissolute figure, Deek has allowed his mind – once trained by an educational establishment run by gentlemen, for gentlemen – to become warped beyond redemption thanks to an almost total immersion in trash culture. Having been technically dead on several occasions, he has experienced the realms beyond the veil of consciousness and claims that they’re something to do with Texan chickens.

Tubthumpin’ Titan

Able to crush a bison’s skull with one hand, Zeke is at one with the natural world, having been raised by wolverines. Savage and primal, the very sight of him rising up to his full height before bringing his thighbone sticks down on the human-flesh skin of his kit has been known to cause fainting (mainly Sicko) and bleeding from orifices. A devotee of a secret Cthulu cult, The Pact Of Mendes, Zeke’s philosophical outlook is as mind expanding as it is terrifying. An unstoppable force from beyond nature, he provides the band with voodoo rhythms.


Not legally a mammal, Sicko is unlike other men. For a start, he’s some kind of medical lobster, possessing all manner of sacs capable of ejecting vile liquids and foul ichors whenever the mood takes him – which is most of the time. Deeply sinophobic, Sicko can be driven off with the music of Shonen Knife, or anything featuring Bert Kwouk. Proprietor of his legendary General Store, Sicko spends his days giving himself a hard time about his poor work attitude and regular tardiness. This serves to manifest great frustration in his quartet of black hearts, which he takes out on his Flying V, creating nightmarish shards of noise and breaking strings.

Beating Bass Heart

Balls’ origins remain a state classified secret. All we know is that her misuse of science left her faced with a choice between a lengthy tour in the Marines, an indeterminate incarceration in the county lockup, or a lifetime of toil down on the Raintree County Slug Farm, and she selected us. Able to deflect even Sicko’s monstrous mendacities with ease, Balls is unflappable, indomitable and unbeatable. The best goddam bass player south of the North Pole, Berzerko’s high-octane live displays are believed to draw their energies from malefic rites she performs beneath the blood moon.